If You Give a Mouse a Cookie....

No matter what Pittsburgh Dad has to say about it, sometimes If You Give a Mouse a Cookie... really is where it's at.

At least, it perfectly described how I felt this morning in my first class.

Please keep in mind that sometimes I can guess how my classes will react to certain situations. For instance, if I walk into a wall to illustrate my point in telling them a story, it is highly likely that they will laugh. If I give them a quiz, they will groan. If they are speaking Chinese in their group during class and I walk over, they will smack each other and say, "Speak English!!!" (And then I will laugh.) If, when it is time for break, I yell, "SPEAK CHINESE!" they will laugh.

Sometimes, though, I fail miserably at predicting how they'll respond to things that I do, and sometimes all that I can say to myself is, Well, you should have seen that coming.

This week all of my classes are reviewing main points of the material we've covered over the semester in preparation for their final exam, which will be spread over the next two weeks. Also, we are talking about Christmas. Part of talking about Christmas means talking about various traditions and where they came from (trees, lights, gifts, caroling, etc) and then part of it is them guessing what I do for Christmas. So there were various questions, like, "What do you think I eat on Christmas?" "What do you think I do on Christmas Eve?" "What kind of cookies does my family make?"

Here's the question that was the kicker: "What is my favorite Christmas song?"

Now, O Reader, maybe you can anticipate what happens at this point. I'd like to say that it was just the fact that it was an 8 am class, or that we're nearly to the end of the semester... but for whatever reason, I hadn't thought about the consequences of posing this question.

This is what I should have realized:

Of course, if you (being their foreign teacher) tell the class that you have a favorite Christmas song, and if it furthermore is one that they don't know (which is to say, if it isn't Jingle Bells) – say, maybe, O Come, O Come Emmanuel – they will all beg you to sing it.

And when you agree to this and begin singing, of course out pop cameras/cell phones to record, and you may crack up in the middle of singing, because of course you should have expected this – China is paparazzi grand central, after all – but it is still funny.

And then you may get to teach the chorus to your class and explain why you love this song and the story behind it.

And they may all sing with you.

And in that moment, you will not know if you should laugh with crazy joy at what is happening or cry with awestruck wonder.

So that was my morning.

Two funny notes.

1. I scare myself every time I sing this, because I'm afraid that I'll switch into Latin by mistake. Although my students at least are so busy gawking that it's quite possible none of them would notice.

2. After this had all transpired, as I walked around the classroom to answer random last questions about their final, one of my students put his hand up. "Teacher!!"

   "Yes Jim?"

   "Do you know Jason Mars?" he asked me. Poor Jason Mraz. His last name gets slaughtered a lot.

   "Yep," I said. "What's your favorite song by him?"

   "I'm Yours!"

   "Good song," I said, grateful for having just been at KTV last Friday and the way KTV forces me to sort of keep up on American pop music.

I enjoy being surprised by my classes sometimes. And the opportunities it brings.

It is a truth universally acknowledged...

that if a foreigner does not understand you, the best course of action is to speak at increasing volumes.

Some people take this to new levels by skipping moderate volumes entirely.  A few nights ago, Sydney, Kelsey and I were taking a taxi back from JiangShan -- it's only about a five minute drive -- and the driver began yelling as soon as we got in.  Fortunately his Chinese was quite clear or at least he had an accent that I'm familiar with, so I understood more of what he was saying than I normally do.  (For the record, my Chinese really is pretty terrible and I haven't learned much more this year, due to being busy with other things... like teaching...)

Anyway.  Here was the conversation as I remember it...  it was dark out and quite cold so we were in a hurry.

me:  *flagging down the taxi and then dashing to get in*  "Huaqiao Wai Yuan!" [name of our school]
Sydney and Kelsey jumped in the back.
driver:  *yelling something something something, possibly with KUAI KUAI KUAI LE*  [about how we were in a hurry]
all of us:  *laughing*
driver:  "NIMEN SHI NAGUO REN????" [what country are you from?]
me:  "Women shi meigguoren!" [we're Americans!]  "Ni ne?"  [how about you?]
driver:  "ZHONGGUOREN something!"  [I'm Chinese of course!!!]
me:   *deciding that this was absurd and if he was going to yell, I was too*  "ZHENDEMA????"  [really????}
driver:  "ZHENDE!!  NI HUI SHOU HANYU MA?"  [of course!! you can speak Chinese?]
me:  "YI DIAN DIAN.  NI HUI SHOU YINGYU MA?" [just a little, can you speak English?]
driver:  "NO!!!"
me:  *laughing*
*random conversation about how I was sort of translating for Syd and Kelsey and they sort of understood, at this point I wasn't catching a lot of what he was saying so I was just using a sound that is the most useful sound in Chinese since it either means "Yeah" or "I have no clue what you're talking about" or "what???" depending on what intonation you give it...]
Sydney and Kelsey:  *begin singing in the back seat*
me:  "TAMEN SHI FENGLE!!!"  [they're crazy!]
driver:  *yelling something about being crazy and asking if they were my friends...*
me:  "...Dui... tamen shi wode pengyou..." [yeah... they're my friends...]
*random other conversations about craziness and other stuff I was not understanding...*
me:  *as we got to the university*  "NI KEYI JINRU MA?"  [can you go in? -- rather than dropping us off at the gate]
driver:  "BU KEYI!!! something something something"  [I can't!]
me:  "SHENME??? WEISHENME??????"  [What???? WHY?????]
driver: "TA BU something something" [he (the guard) won't let me!]
me:  "WOMEN SHI LAOSHI!!!"  [We're teachers!]
driver:  "NIMEN SHI LAOSHI??  Ahhh... KEYI!"  [You're teachers?  Oh.... I can!]
...and then he dropped us off and we paid him.

It was an exciting ride.

I have to say, though, he was one of the calmer drivers I've had.  On the way to the Thanksgiving dinner in our city or something, I was in a taxi with an insane driver.  He nearly rearended the car in front of us... which was a police car... which had no license plate.

If I was a taxi driver, I'd probably yell at foreigners too.

*facepalm* Time to get a t-shirt made....

To be honest... that is my (internal) reaction to a lot of things that my students ask me about...

Especially this question, which a student just asked me over QQ (instant messaging):

i don't know what topics should we choose to talk with foreigner

I have gotten variants of this questions so many times that I think I should get a response t-shirt made.  Any suggestions for what that t-shirt should say?

Here are my two ideas:

Foreigners are people, too.

and

I'm from another country, not another planet.

(Usually what I tell my students is, "...well.... what do you talk about with Chinese?"  And then they stare at me as if they have no idea how this could possibly be relevant.)

(picture taken earlier this semester on campus, because the yellow hoodie "I wear what I want" summed up China fashion.)

One final down, 307 to go...

Or something like that.  I have about 308 students, but I may have forgotten one or two.

One final down? you may be asking.  I thought finals weren't happening for another week or two.

So did I.  As scheduled, this week all of my non-English classes (students studying marketing, accounting, business administration, human resources, tourism...) were finishing up the last chapter in their text book.  Next week we'll review for the final and talk about Christmas, and then the two weeks after that is when they'll take their finals.

Well, most of them.

Yesterday I walked into my HR class early and was chatting with some of them about the jiaozi (dumpling) making party that we're having in my apartment on Saturday evening. 

"Excuse me teacher," said Kyla, Blake standing behind her.  "He joined the army, so he needs to take his final today."

She said this in the same tone of voice that they use to comment on the weather or ask me if I've eaten breakfast yet.  Matter of fact, in other words.

I was taken aback (to say the least) and confused (also an understatement.)  Joining the army means that he needs to take the final today?  Sorry, what?  I hadn't even finished deciding that rubric I was going to use or actually thought much about administering the final.  Fortunately, Hilary, Chandler and I had written the basic final last weekend since we teach the same grade level from the same book.

"What?" I said, sort of hoping this was their idea of a joke on their foreign teacher.  "But the final isn't for a few more weeks."

"I know," Kyla told me.  "But he joined the army, so he needs to take it today."

"I don't think that's possible," I said.  (This is a pretty good answer in China; it is possibly the firmest negative you can give, while not really blaming the impossibility on anyone specific.)

Kyla was undaunted.  "He needs to take it this week, our other teacher said so."

"Huh," I said, pulling my cellphone out.  "Let me talk to my team leader and I'll get right back to you on that."

It was a surprise to Danielle as well that I had a student joining the army, but at least she understood the situation.

So... Blake took his final this afternoon.  Giving finals is pretty fun for me (aside from grading) because it means that I get one-on-one time with each student.  It also means that there is a time limit on this (which is a good thing with some students.)

Sometimes living in China feels like an extreme obstacle course.  Something is always different than what I was expecting.

...such as the power going out for a few hours last night.  It's back on now, along with the heat, for which I am VERY thankful!

And....

Because I have a bunch of great pictures to share....

Here are some not particularly related pictures.



Hilary and I dyed my hair.  This was a picture I took to satisfy a friend who was being impatient about seeing it.  Question from my students (who I've been teaching all semester, mind you...) "Teacher, your hair... is it the nature?"


Sometimes my students' English runs out in the middle of a quiz, and then I get answers like this about American traditions about Thanksgiving:  pum....... (something in Chinese which maybe mentions pie?)


Coming soon to a dining hall near you, for only 16 kuai... Exploding Chicken!


The library :)


What do you do when the power goes out?  Head to a coffeeshop on the other side of town so you have electricity and heat.  And then set your camera on the table and proceed to take pictures.  Duh.


Please note the length of the spoon relative to the bottle of milk tea.  Anyone else seeing a potential issue there?

I love living in China.

Baby, it's cold outside!!!

Here is the view from my office window.

My team!

Okay, so I know that this post has been promised for a long time, and finally I'm writing it. :)

There are two teams at our school, which is a little confusing, as we teach for the same departments, have Sunday night fellowship together, hang out, and live in stairwells that are next to each other. Within our separate teams, we turn in lesson plans to our team leader (who has been in China longer), have Word studies together, and provide a lot of each others' accountability, encouragement, and support.

I'm on an all-girl team. Our team leader is Danielle, who loves birthday parties, baking, and her pet rabbit Zorro. Then there is Sydney, who taught for a semester in GERMANY and who keeps us all laughing. Hilary is the brave soul on our team who had not lived out of the US before; she's also an awesome baker!! Depreena is our storyteller (seriously, she should be a professional!) and my buddy in all things Biblical language related. Mel is our representative Canadian; she lives in the apartment above mine and we do a lot of our lesson planning (or attempted lesson planning...) together.

Here's what it looks like...

Today has been a pretty average day in my life (whatever that means).  Meaning, I woke up (which is generally my least favorite part of the entire day!  And I teach at 8 am four days a week... lucky me!) and taught two classes.  Teaching has definitely become more natural feeling... like it's my job instead of panic attack inducing... which I am very happy for. 

As I was headed to lunch, I got a text from Depreena saying that there was a package for me in the library (where the half of the post office that mail comes to is located... as opposed to the half where you send mail out... and neither of which places sells stamps, as far as I've been able to figure out.)  I was surprised and excited, and pretty curious about what this box was.  So I went promptly there (forget lunch!) and chatted along the way with my student Marion, who was also doing something in that direction. 

And there was indeed a huge box!

I was good and took it along with me to lunch... ate... went back to my apartment and opened it... and then left the contents alone until after my office hours.

Office hours:  wherein today I took a nap (props to a culture where that is generally acceptable...), worked on lesson plans, and was quite chilly.  By the end of my three hours in the office, I had put my coat, scarf, and hat back on. 

This had a rather amusing consequence.  A few minutes after all the other teachers had left the office (there are eight of us in there), a student came in.  She was asking me very quickly in Chinese where one of the other teachers were, and I wasn't quite sure what she said, so I pulled off my hat so that I'd actually be able to hear her...

And she gasped. 

Apparently she hadn't realized that I wasn't Chinese...

Anyway... after office hours I properly opened the package to discover SUPER warm socks and a really soft blanket from the McP's!  What an awesome surprise!  (And I know... I didn't save it for Christmas... but I figured it was cold now...)

Then I headed out to the cafeteria for lunch with a brother and sister.  We ate, goofed around, and talked about some deeper stuff.  It is so, so cool beyond words to be able to have these types of conversations.  I really am getting to do exactly what I had hoped to be able to do here -- investing in the lives of brothers and sisters -- and that fact blows my mind.

After dinner, what's better than playing in the snow/on the frozen-over pond?  So we waded through the snow (which is really dry and powdery) and jumped down onto the frozen pond and stomped out names and shapes and made snow angels and skated around in our sneakers.  So. Much. Fun.  I felt like a freshman again!

Then we parted ways, and I came back to my apartment, supposedly to work on my lesson plans for next week... but I have no idea what I want to do with my translation kids, so I've been working on stuff for the study with my team that we'll be doing tomorrow night. 

Hopefully a new newsletter will be out soon!  :)  The comm department (which kindly mails them to y'all) has been a bit swamped of late, but it is in the works.

Things you could be lifting for us...
~a few people are sick right now
~we're all tired and need perseverance and new energy as we finish the semester
~relationships with students (as always)

Thanks!

(no photos today as they aren't wanting to load/attach)